if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
