I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My balls are so social today.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
