dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
