Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
