I wish i was in the wii world.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
