can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
