Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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