She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.