Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.