I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.