Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.