part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'