he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday