It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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