everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
