The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
