oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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