So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
