And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
