I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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