After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
