I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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