She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
