I'm so fucking centered right now
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
