you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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