saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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