You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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