If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
