All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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