If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
