Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
