the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
