And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We left the knife in your bed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
