Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
