I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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