1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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