is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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