I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
