I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it hurts more in the daytime
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
