I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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