I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
