i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize