Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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