I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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