you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
