Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
