Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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