My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
