That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
