She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
