So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
God I need to hump something, right now.
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