Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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