At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
