I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
