It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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