Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
