I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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