The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
