a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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