my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
