i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude i'm inner monologue high
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
