I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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