do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
