alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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