The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
