You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
