Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
