you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
last night I used snow as a chaser
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
